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     For those who don’t know as well as those who don’t care. My life as I know was dramatically changed on January 24th at 1:45 am. My acquaintance since we were 3 months old, my girlfriend for 6 years, and my life (wife) of 25 years “Patricia Loftin” went to her eternal home. I was “literally” the last person to touch her living body as I had no clue, she would die seconds after I pulled her up in the bed. The story begins with her losing the strength in her legs causing her to lose her balance. After a year of going from doctor to doctor, we were referred to a neurologist who after examining all the information available referred us to a neurosurgeon who explained Pat had bone spurs growing at the top of her spine and these spurs were applying pressure on her spinal cord and when she would turn or twist the wrong way it would stop the flow of data from the brain to the lower parts of her body, resulting in a fall. The problem was in getting her up, we would unknowingly relieve the blockage and she would soon be fine until the next event. After a time of consultation, it made sense to the suggested surgery. She went into surgery at 9:30 am on January 22, 2024, and the surgery went flawlessly, to which I was rejoicing, thanking, and praising God for His grace and mercy. She entered her room at 3 pm from surgery and for the next 24 hours, she experienced a better than textbook recovery. However, in the 25th hour, she became fidgety and restless. I asked the nurses about it and they said it was a side effect from the anesthesia working its way out of her system. It made sense so we worked trying to keep her at ease; then in the 30th hour her speech started to slur and by the 32nd hour, it became unrelatable as language. It all ended in the 35th hour when her heart exploded and she went home.

     Now I said all that to make this point; If you don’t have Jesus you’re going to be destroyed by Satan and I know this from the attacks I’m receiving. He immediately hit me with hindsight that I should have run up flags, blown whistles, and screamed for her to get attention. He has burned that hopeless, help me look she gave me as I held her for the last time into my mind. He’s consistently flashing the thought; she is never coming back across my mind. Believe me when I say! Satan isn’t missing a minute to dance in my head with the “woulda, shoulda, coulda thoughts!” Help me, Lord!

     I’m in a battle I’m not going to lose because I have the truth; Satan is the father of all lies as is written in John 8:44 (TPT), “You are the offspring of your father, the devil, and you serve your father very well, passionately carrying out his desires. He’s been a murderer right from the start! He never stood with the truth, for he’s full of nothing but lies–lying is his native tongue. He is a master of deception and the father of lies! I cry out to God as I can’t imagine what Pat is seeing and experiencing as I write, I only know it is without me, and that’s the way God intended it to be. I can honestly say, I would never want Pat to experience what I’m feeling right now. My spiritual armor has some good-sized dents in it. I have never been tested like this before and I am determined to succeed in victory because Jesus said I could. I will live according to 2 Corinthians 5:9 (TPT), So whether we live or die we make it our life’s passion to live our lives pleasing to him.

     Father God, I give praise and rejoice at the very thought of your name. But this morning I cry out with a broken heart at the deliverance of my wife to you. You know I’m turning cartwheels at her being with you but I’m lost and suffering at her absence with me. I have never been so conflicted, confused, and helpless, so I pray 2 Timothy 2:7 (TPT), Carefully consider all that I’ve taught you, and may our Lord inspire you with wisdom and revelation in everything you say and do; over all who read this. Help strengthen my belief that this hurt is in my best interest and that Pat is in awe at her new experience. Amen





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